So lately I've been seeing what a slave to my own desires and ideas I am.
Namely the idea that I need a man for my life to be complete. Whether that's just “a man” in general or a specific not-just-anyone-will-do man. I've suddenly seen that, for most of my life I, like most single women in this country, have been going around thinking “If a man doesn't find me attractive, if a man doesn't ask me out, if I’m not married—whatever—then I am not special or important or…anything.”
Its a horrible lie. Because I use this ridiculous thought process to handicap my own life. As if I’m thinking that my life cannot begin until it has a man in it! Which is ridiculous because I have so many talents and passions and projects and ideas I could be focusing on and having an awesome time with…but instead I get obsessed with the Don’t-Be-Single-Find-A-Man Quest and fritter my life away!
Great pep talk Leslie! Good job! Go you—now get to work on that awesome life and let God bring the right man at the right time.
Well. Well, well. I just had another realization. I don't even know how to begin imagining and creating my own future without a man in it. I just noticed that my first reaction when thinking of the future, is to imagine what the right kind of man for me would look like, or if I know anyone who is remotely close to the kind of man I could respect and follow, and then what I might need to do to meet such a guy and…
Honestly, its like I feel I must find someone to place my affections on! As if this were some sort of job opening that had to be filled instead of…well, whatever. I’m pretty sure that isn't how its supposed to work…
Well enough of that. I challenge myself (especially since I find I’m rather repulsed by me acting like this). I'm going to stop fretting about the future (me and my imagination both. Hey. I can’t help it. I’m a writer. My imagination and I are VERY good friends). I will trust God and let him do what is best with me and my life!
Because really, my life is so much more than whether or not I ever marry. I'm sure God has more in mind for me and He doesn't want me wasting my life like this (neither do I. I have ambition. I just sometimes have trouble finding it). If He has romance in the works for me, He'll bring it about at the right time, in the right way. I don't have to go on the search for Mr. Right. If he's out there God knows where he's at, right? And if that is not what God has for me, ever, can I be happy?
Truth be known, yes.
I have goals, dreams, ambitions and desires that have nothing to do with romance or marriage (I feel like I mentioned this before…). And honestly, the right person would need to fit into those goals—and I into his—or it would not work well. That should be pretty obvious, but I think its the first thing we tend to forget…
So I will do what God wants me to do. I will live happily in the place God has placed me in. I will strive for the dreams that live in my heart. I will work and play, write and draw, sing and create, enjoy life and live for my Lord—
And when and if God ever brings the right man for me into my life, I won't have to worry and fret about making things turn out right…because everything will fall into place and he will just fit perfectly into my life as if he'd always been there.
After all, if that's Gods plan--I guess he already does.
