25 Crazy Excuses To Get Out Of Work

Something ridiculous and unexplainable has occurred this morning. There's no way way you'll make it into work--but your boss will never believe the truth.

Still, you have to try. So you pick up the phone and you say,

"Good morning boss. I'm afraid I can't come in today because..."

1. I didn't escape the dragon.


2. I've been whisked out of time and space by a mad man in a blue box.


3. I'm buried in a mountain of popcorn.


4. The kidnappers are fixing to push me off without a parachute.


5. I'm caught in a fairy ring and they won't let me go.


6. In 30 seconds the Dark Lord destroys the world and only I can stop him.


7. I was eloping and fell off the ladder.


8. The werewolf moon strikes tonight and its having a stronger effect than I anticipated.


9. My secret experiment exploded all over my apartment.


10. Aliens crash landed in my backyard and are holding me hostage for our worlds secrets.


11. My toe is caught in the faucet.


12. I got sucked into the computer and now I'm trapped in a virtual game world.


13. I'm holding off the vampires with garlic, crosses and holy water.


14. An angry earth goddess is threatening to turn me into a tree if I don't comply in the next ten minutes.


15. Giant spiders have surrounded my home and all I have to fight them off with is a frying pan.


16. My Muse and I traded places this week and now she's refusing to do boring things.


17. A jealous witch put a sleeping curse on me.


18. I ran into the door-frame and broke an elbow. Don't ask.


19. My bedroom is swamped by tiny blue people and they refuse to leave unless I give them cornflakes. Unfortunately I ran out of those yesterday.


20. An Elf riding a flying unicorn took me away to Fairyland. They're in need of some Unlikely Heroines.


21. I let Mr. Darcy out of the book and I have to get him back in before Lizzie marries Wickham.


22. I found a genie lamp and I'll be sending in my resignation.


23. I'm trapped inside the Mona Lisa. Da Vinci it seems was something of a magician.


24. A fortune teller says this is the day to find Prince Charming. And no offense but I'm not looking for him at the office.


25. I'm calling from the Underworld.

In need of more silly work excuses? Here's the story behind this fun game.

Comment below on your favorite excuse. And share three of your own silly work excuses! Or you could write your own blog post and put a link in the comments. :D

Fandom Evangelism and Being a Jesus Fangirl

On Sharing Your Geekiness With Random Outsiders.

You know the feeling. When you've made a smashing joke, and then realized you are surrounded by dull ordinary people who don't read the right books or watch the right movies.

This happens to me all the time. For example:

I'm not what you call a hardcore Dekkie. My friend, Jami, once loaned me The Circle series and I absolutely loved them--for the fantasy world elements. I must admit, anything that happened in the real world, the actual "thriller" parts, I just tolerated for the story sake (and its woven together perfectly, don't get me wrong). I'm just not a thriller or a horror fan, so I don't really get into most Ted Dekker books. But I did enjoy the Circle series (except for the end of Green. I really didn't like the whole circle ending. I wanted absolute closure!).

But at least I loved it enough to get some of the in jokes and references when I hear them. "Dive deeper" struck me as a great spiritual catchphrase, just like "Further up and further in!" And I loved that "Elyon" is the name for God in that world. And that His Waters are green (Have I mentioned my obsessive love of the color green?).

So when my friend Jami refers to Mountain Dew as Elyon's Water, of course I find it hilarious. Or I did the first time I heard it. That's probably a cliche to Dekkie's by now, but still, its amusing.

Then one day I made the mistake of referring to Mountain Dew as Elyon's Water in public--to be specific, at work. And then I spent ten minutes explaining to the guy across from me at the break table, what I meant.

For my troubles, all I got in return was, "A Christian thriller? Well, that's a new one!"

You're welcome Dull Ordinary Mortal. So much for trying to brighten your day with awesome fictional worlds!

And at least ten times a day I have the same dilemma when it comes to Doctor Who references, Lord of the Rings quotes, and Narnia analogies.

It's a lot like the feeling I get when I want to share my Christian beliefs with someone.

Oh wait. That's a different kettle of fish entirely (I can't stop to think of a better analogy. I'm on a roll here folks!).

When it comes to my Random Fandom Geekiness I have a hard time shutting up (Just ask my family).

But if the opportunity comes for telling people about my Christian values and beliefs its like my lips have been sealed together with concrete (is that a good metaphor? Oh who cares...).

Okay. So I'm an introvert. I tend to be the Loud Fandom Geek around my friends and family. With others I'm considerably quieter. And I often develop a case of Concrete Mouth (which sounds awkward, but we're going with it) about anything I especially love...fandom related, Christian related...anything Me Related. I'm not sure why. Is it just fear? Am I afraid of being laughed at? And I don't want things I hold special to be laughed at...Am I afraid of being criticized or told I'm not politically or socially correct? (Despite the fact that everyone knows that half the things that are politically correct are sterile and horrid, and many politically incorrect things are true and good and awesome...in fact, its a stupid label that no one should give a hang about. But that's a post for another day.)

ANYWAY. The point is that sometimes I still absentmindedly slip up and make Awesome Fandom References in public that no one else gets. But I rarely do that about my Christian values.

I'm not here to tell anyone not to make Nerdy Remarks in public. I'm not here to encourage anyone to be as Awesomely Nerdy in public as they wish. I don't think it matters. Sometimes its nice to keep it to yourself--secret and special, sacred to the Chosen Few who get what you love about it. Sometimes its just fun to be Yourself and Love Out Loud the things you love, and not care what others think. Just don't be annoying on purpose.

No. All I wanted to say was...perhaps if I chose to view my Christian beliefs the same way I do my various book and movie fandoms, I might actually be a nicer, funner, more interesting Christian to be around.

After all, being a Christian is a passionate thing. Its about a Divine Love Story. The ultimate Romance.

To be honest, I can't think of anything Awesomer than being a Jesus Fangirl.

And that's all I have to say.

Yes I Disappeared...

Confessions From An Invisible Writer.

Okay, so I didn't literally disappear. No magic rings or invisibility capes for me. Sorry about the fakey attempt to intrique my readers...which I'm 99.999% certain didn't work anyway.

But I have certainly been absent from this blog for months.

Sorry about that too.

But lets be honest. It wasn't much of a loss. This blog has devolved into a dull "Hey look I published a short story you should buy it and by the way this is what I did yesterday" accounting of things. Who wants to read that?

Well. Alright, so I'm always interested when writers that I love do that on their blogs. So I won't bash myself.

But still we need something more interesting here.

And this summer has been one with some amount of soul searching for me. At least as far as writing and art and creativety and What Shall I Do With My Talents And Life In General goes.

I've been doing a course from Kevin Kaiser that is helping me "revise" my online presence...for lack of a better description of what I'm trying to do. It's a course for online creative entrepreneurs anyway ("Did you here that?" My Muse just said wonderingly. "Creative Entrepreneurs. That's what we are!").  Its very simple and straightforward and starts with the basics. So I've just been focusing on that (especially as I've been rather sickly this month and didn't feel like doing much else with my brain...). And I finally think I know where I want to go with this blog and everything.

SOOOO.

A Few Promises From Me:

• I, Leslie Marie Dawson, hereby promise to write something funny and interesting here at least once a week (I've been reading essays and short stories by A.A. Milne lately. That could account for my desire to write dry-witted nonfiction pieces...)


• I also promise to send out a weekly email full of links to interesting things I've collected from the internet that week.


• And I promise to write at least fifteen minutes a day on stories I would like to share with you. The idea is to get used to the fifteen minutes and increase it as I go along...


• I also promise to create and share more art here on the blog (any art actually. As I haven't shared any so far...). I know, to follow through on this I should make a deadline of some kind. But I'm trying to focus on writing for now. So we shall say one piece of art a month...and see if I manage to stick to it.

And that's about it for now.

So, now to brainstorm what that first witty blog post shall be about. Hmm...

See you next week!

May Goals and Updates

It seems I have neglected the blog for a month but I haven't been idle. I've set some writing goals. And I realize I need to make some changes--to this website, to the stories I'm publishing etc. Try new things and all that.

My main goal this month is rewriting the Snarktales. Yes, even the two I've published. Everything gets a new look. I'm excited about this and hopefully I'll finish by the end of the month.

I've also been participating in Story a Day May. The name is self explanatory. You don't technically have to write a new story each day, but can set whatever goal you choose. I decided to try a new story every day though. What I've discovered is that, unless I plan microfiction--a Twitter fiction series, a drabble, or anything under a page or two--I generally can't finish the story. But at least I'm writing super short fiction, finding new plots, and having fun. And I haven't missed writing something daily all month!

I have one other project going. I asked three friends to proofread the Cinderella Snarktale back in February. As a thank you, I'm creating a piece of artwork for each of them--characters from their own fiction. This is a ton of fun. Have been scouring Deviant Art for free stock and reference photos, and creating inspirational Pinterest boards (which said friends can pin too, of course). Right now, I've just got some quick pencil sketches down.

And that's about it! The changes to the published stories and this blog will, hopefully, take place next month. :)

Writer's Block

What I Do To Write When I Don't Feel Like It.

I've spent this whole day trying to come up with something to share with the internet world. I haven't really managed to do anything worthwhile in the matter of writing since I hit publish on the Beauty snarktale.

The plain fact is I'm caught up in writer's block.

So this is me, taking my problem (writer's block) and turning it to some good. I'm going to write a post about ways to conquer writer's block. There won't be anything terribly new here. I'm just hoping that making a list will give me an idea to get writing again!

Therefore, here's some things I try when I can't write:

• Identify what's really causing it (for me, I think its the whole obscurity issue of being a new indie author and blogger...)


• Journal or freewrite. What I've been doing all morning (this has the added advantage of at least getting words out of you--even if its not the words you happen to want at the moment)


• Ask yourself lots of questions--starting with who, what, when, where, how, why. Avoid yes or no questions. They're generally of little help.


• Get away from the desk. Go outside, get some exercise and fresh air!


• Listen to music! I've been doing that all day too and I think its helped.


• Reading. Duh.


• Some people really like aromatherapy--scented candles, incense, spraying a perfume. Whatever. I've noticed that cinnamon is a great smell for clearing your thoughts.


• Try something else creative that you enjoy. I like to draw.


• Or do some boring chore that doesn't require a lot of thought. Wash dishes or fold the laundry. You'll be surprised how your subconscious will work on the creative problem while the rest of you is ridiculously bored. ;)

There. I have a blog post now. I'm so proud of me!

So, what do you do when you have writer's block or any other kind of creative block? I need some new ideas!

April Goals and Camp NaNo

I had some grandiose plans for this month. I was going to do Camp NaNoWriMo and finish a Cinderella retelling...and hit a 50,000 word goal. After all, I hit 70,000 words last NaNo. Piece of cake, right? Despite the fact that I've never started in on a Camp NaNo session yet and finished. Most of them I didn't do more than a 1000 words.

One reason I never finish Camp NaNo is that there's a lot of building anticipation while waiting for November. Plus I have at least one friend who always Nano's with me. And the dreary fall weather probably helps too. Yeah. April's too nice. I want to be outside. With the daffodils and the redbud trees, watching the trees leaf out, and enjoying the warm weather and the lovely breezes.

I should finish this and then get outside!

Anyway. I have scaled back on my writing goals. At least for Camp NaNo and Cinderella. Just 15,000 words (500 a day. Thats doable). And I will focus on other writing work I need to get done.

For one, posting to this blog regularly. And doing a weekly email (though I've only a handful of people so far....mostly loyal friends. Or family). And getting snarktales revised and published (I'm finally back to work on Beauty and the Beast. Hopefully will have it published in a week or two...).

I'm trying to read and learn about marketing my books. Jeff Walker's book about Product Launches (Its called, quite simply "Launch!") is very helpful. I'm planning to experiment and see what I can come up with, based on the advice in this book. Should be fun!

Pirates and The Hulk

I didn't write yesterday because I was volunteering at a preschool. Which was fun. But then when I came home, I got lazy and ended up wasting what was left of my day with Netflix and Youtube (Gilmore Girls and From Mansfield With Love).

Anyway, I have to share some fun kid snippets. I can't help myself. And they really are good. See:

Kid Snippet #1:

"Guess what, Miss Leslie? I'm pretending I'm on a pirate ship. And I'm shooting all these skeletons and invisible people and..." *continues to detail the intricacies of killing people who are already dead*

I know, as a good preschool teacher, I should probably remind him that "we don't shoot people at school" (as if it were somehow ok to shoot people out of school). But then I'd probably have been told that skeletons aren't really people anymore. And to be honest, I found the subject as intriquing as he did. Seriously, how do you kill a skeleton? Or invinsible people for that matter? How do you know the invisible person IS dead? Hmm?

Also am I wrong, or has this kid been watching Pirates of the Caribbean? :D

Kid Snippet #2:

"You know what? I'm the Hulk! And the Hulk doesn't take baths. I don't like baths. So, I'm not taking anymore baths 'cause I'm the Hulk!"

I'm pretty sure he made that one up to suit himself. But as it wasn't my job to see this kid bathes regularly, I just laughed about it. And admired his amazing Hulk-like strength, of course.

So...does the Hulk take a bath or doesn't he?